The Last Few Months

I’ve spent the last few months trying to put the transition & identity shift I’m going through into words, but the clarity hasn’t come.

Not only have I had no time to write, but I’ve felt completely blocked, not knowing what to share…. which is super odd for me since I’ve written online daily for over a decade.

Motherhood

Becoming a mother is so much more than a rite of passage. It’s a radical identity & lifestyle shift that no one can prepare you for.

It feels completely foreign & incredibly inherent all at the same time. Like I was born for this role, yet feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. A weird internal paradox of sorts.

The sacrifices a mother makes to bring a new soul into this realm are insane. The mental, emotional, physical & spiritual effort required to grow, birth & take care of a baby is massive & deeply humbling.

As a 35-year-old entrepreneur who was very accustomed to & had designed her entire life & business around freedom & travel, becoming a mom was a very intense shift. Especially during a global pandemic.

One minute I was a free bird chasing my big dreams, the next I had a beautiful baby boy in my arms that was dependent on me 24/7 while I was trying to heal from an 18 hr home birth.

Initially, I struggled with the immediate lack of personal sovereignty. I knew my baby would need me, but had no idea how much until I was experiencing it.

I knew I wasn’t ready to jump back into work full time but didn’t enjoy sitting in the unknown void of the 4th trimester. All while I was trying to figure out what aspects of me were dying & what parts were being born through the process.

I found myself desperately clinging to what once was, wishing I could go back to my previous life, if only for a moment.

I was so grateful for our son & new chapter as a family but was grieving my former self.

The New Amber 

So I gave myself the last 6 months to sit in the unknown & await what wants to emerge now.

I’m excited to be shifting out of survival mode into creation mode again.

I’m inspired again to write. Things are getting easier & more manageable.

I’m getting to know this new version of Amber & it feels damn good!

 Photo by @melissarobinphoto

Much Love,